Pretty much everyone that knows me knows that I rarely cry, if ever. Especially up until everything that I went through about 5 or 6 years ago. At that time I cried a lot but I think that anyone would have. After the worst of everything was over and I had done some healing I went back to not crying again. But something has changed in the past several months. I am not unhappy or depressed but almost anything can make me cry lately. The first time I remember it happening was when I went with Erin to take Evan to get his shots. I got teary. Normally I wouldn't. Then I got teary again while reading a book (at work with people around) that was for my small group. Then I completely broke down in my bible study one night. And now I'm pretty much used to it and know that anything could make me cry. Tonight I was watching the TV show 'Intervention' and I had tears streaming down my face and I was actually sobbing. I couldn't stop. It was awful. I was only crying until the little 6 year old girl started crying and that's when I started to sob. I was glad that I was home alone because it seemed a little silly to be getting that emotional.
I got teary another time a few weeks ago watching something. A couple of days later I was talking to a friend of mine and another lady that I had just met moments before and I was telling them how this thing had effected me because it really was strange for it to make me cry. And I started to tear up again just from telling them about it. What is going on? The good thing is that it doesn't really bother me that I'm crying so much. At times I get a little bit embarassed but since I can't control it anymore I don't worry about it too much. It's just who I am right now. I suspect that it's just another part of the healing process. As I deal with everything I think that in a way I'm able to allow myself to become more vulnerable again. Probably because I have more power and control over myself and my own life I am able to then become vulnerable. It is not such a scary thing as maybe it once was.
As the years go on I am more and more thankful for everything that I've been through. I still would choose to get to where I am now by a different path if at all possible and I don't think that you could force me to go back 5 or 6 years and do it all again. But I am very thankful for the changes that I have gone through due to the difficult times that I had to experience. I don't know how I could have learned the things that I did in an easier way. I don't think that I would have had the empathy for other people that I do now. I wouldn't understand people and what they've been through and how it effects them. And there are many more things that I've learned. Too many to list and probably more than I'm even aware of at this point. And yet I still have tonnes more to learn. I'm just hoping that the rest can be learned in an easier way. My choice would be through reading books and taking courses but I'm sure that I will have many more life experiences to continue teaching me.
Okay, now on to the other less serious stuff. Brig was excellent for the girl that tried him out a couple weeks ago. I think that everyone was impressed with him. The girl has only just started looking for a horse so I don't think that she's in a hurry to buy anything yet. She's probably just trying things out and seeing what's out there. I haven't heard anything back and I'm not sure that I will. I haven't seen my instructor since then so I haven't had a chance to ask her what they thought. I am just happy that Brig was so good.
A couple of days ago I was talking to one of the ladies at the barn (she has a lot of horse knowledge and I generally trust her opinion, and she really likes Brig and wishes she could buy him herself). She suggested that I try to market Brig as a hunter instead of a dressage horse. She figures that I might be able to get $30 000 for him as a hunter. She suggested that I talk to a couple of people that she knows of in Langley to see what they think. We might even take Brig over to Langley to show him to people and get an opinion. I can also get the people to help me sell him if I give them a commission. Which would be fine with me if they can sell him for $30 000. After a 10% commission I still walk away with $27000. I'd probably give a bit to the lady at the barn that is helping me too. I think that this is all just wishful thinking though. But I'm definitely wishing/hoping. I even jumped Brig yesterday so that we can start improving his jumping.